Overcome Soft Addictions: Habits That Keep Us From Our Goals

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We are witnessing a growing trend of addictions to what I would like to call demoralising desires and temporary pleasures.

We know of our purpose, we know of our destination — so why do we continue to live for the dunya (this world, as opposed to the Hereafter) as if it were our only goal and the real essence of our existence?

This life is but a preparation for the next. We must focus on our destination and choose our paths wisely.

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me. [Qur’an: Chapter 51, Verse 56]

Yet we find ourselves sitting in front of televisions, computer screens and game consoles, investing our precious time in unprofitable matters, and in many cases, haram exposure. We waste away our wealth in masking our insecurities and fulfilling a moment’s thrill for a lifetime of debt. We are even shamelessly falling deep into the culture of drugs and alcohol despite their clear forbiddance in the Qur’an!

These addictions are paralysing the progress of our Ummah (Islamic community), causing us to neglect our deen (religion) and preventing us from fulfilling our true goal as servants of Allah , Al-Hakam (The Judge).

Let us stop being an Ummah of ill habits. Let us change our course to a path that leads us to Allah , In sha Allah.

Addiction: An Islamic Perspective

The term addiction is most commonly understood with respect to a chemical association — the compulsive use and dependence on drugs, alcohol and nicotine.

While this does unfortunately exist in the Ummah and is something we most definitely should aim to cease, I want to speak more about those forgotten but most definitely dangerous addictions that we shall refer to as soft addictions.

Soft addictions are those seemingly harmless habits such as over-shopping, overeating, watching too much TV, endlessly surfing the Internet, procrastinating etc. that keep us from having the life we want.

❝ They cost us money, rob us of time, numb us from our feelings, mute our consciousness, and drain our energy. And we all have them. ❞ —Judith Wright, author of The Soft Addiction Solution

As Judith Wright described, soft addictions are those habits that keep us from the life we want. Surely, as Muslims we want Jannah (paradise) and seek the pleasure of Allah  alone. These addictions, however, distract us from fulfilling our true purpose and goals in life. They have the dangerous potential to take us away from the pure path of Islam, and slowly guide us to a path that leads us to hell fire. May Allah  safeguard us.

From excessive use of the Internet, mobile phones and television to the addictions of pornography, food and shopping, behaviours such as these provide us with the opportunity for immediate satisfaction. But as we know, everything in this world is temporary.

While we might engage in these activities to pass time or escape reality, the satisfaction does not last and we want it again. The immediate satisfaction we gain from these acts can very quickly become a compulsive pursuit, and before we know it, we are falling sinfully into the hands of shaytan (Satan), attaching ourselves to the dunya and neglecting our Creator!

Overcoming Emotional Productivity Barriers

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Many of us strive to achieve contentment and success; however, given the nature of the world we live in, we will encounter barriers which will affect our productivity and ability to achieve those goals.

First, we need to acknowledge that none of us is immune from experiencing sadness, loss, hurt, hopelessness, anxiety and/or a lack of confidence. These barriers, which are emotional in nature, can indeed not only lead to a lack of productivity but also lead us to lose faith in ourselves and those around us if we don’t learn how to manage them properly.

Allah  explains to us the inherent lack of perfection in this world and the nature of trials and tribulations in the Quran in various verses when He  says:

“Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said “When is the help of Allah?” Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near” [Quran: Chapter 2, Verse 214].

“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones) …” [Quran: Chapter 2, Verse 155].

And once again, Allah  in His Infinite Mercy explains to us in many places how to deal with these tribulations when He  says:

“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah]” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 45].

Therefore, there are key elements to dealing with all kinds of trials and tribulations. They begin with our faith and trust in Allah , as well as, our dua and the will to change.

Let us explore those ideas in more depth.

The importance of having strong faith in Allah

Our belief in Allah  can provide us with the power to accomplish great things as it allowed the Prophet , the companions and other great Muslims to accomplish what may have seemed impossible. Our understanding of the attributes of Allah  – Arrahman (The All-Merciful), Arraheem (The All-Compassionate), Al-Malik (The King), Al-Wadood (The Loving), Al-Hakeem (The All-Wise), Al-Aleem (The All-Knowing), Al-Kareem (The All Generous) and the many other attributes of Allah  provide us with a source of comfort and strength that we have The Creator of the Heavens and the Earths to take care of our every single need.

Furthermore, to strengthen our relationship with Allah , we are given the five pillars of Islam. Our declaration that there is no God except Allah and that Muhammad is His prophet is not just a statement we repeat, but the key to how we conduct ourselves in this life; our prayers are our daily source of comfort, strength, and healing; fasting Ramadan is an annual form of cleansing and spiritual rejuvenation for our bodies and souls; our Zakat (giving in charity) ensures we take care of the less fortunate in society; and our Hajj is a form of leaving all our luxuries to journey to the house of Allah  to perform a once in a lifetime spiritually-reviving journey.

Next comes our belief in the six pillars of faith which are to believe in Allah, His angels, His revelations, His prophets, the Day of Judgment and fate, whether it is good or bad. Our conviction that there is a Day of Judgment where all will be held accountable for their deeds and every oppressor will be met with the consequences of their oppression and every oppressed will be met with the reward of their patience and have their rights returned, should give us comfort when we witness so much oppression in the world yet may not see relief for those who are suffering.

‘PACES’: A Guide to Being A Happier Muslim

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The first thing that will come to your mind after reading the headline is: “What is “PACES”? Well, before I share what each letter stands for, let us first define “happiness”, discuss what being a happier Muslim involves and also explain the importance of the word “PACES”.

First off, happiness could be defined as “contentment, inner peace, and inner strength.” From my personal experience as well as my education as a counselor, I believe that the real source of our happiness is having a positive relationship with Allah . I also believe that a secondary source of happiness is our ability to use coping skills to cope with life’s difficulties.

Example: You wake up for Fajr prayer and you are really tired, but you get up because you know it’s your duty as a Muslim. Though nobody is there to see you except Allah  and the angels, you still have that faith in your heart and you are praying to Allah  just for His sake, and not to be seen by others. This is where your real happiness comes from.

Now, becoming a happier Muslim means that you learn to recognize your negative feelings and then find ways to shift those negative feelings back to inner peace. When you can train yourself to return to inner peace, you are on your way to experiencing higher levels of happiness.

Example: When someone says something that bothers me or hurts my feelings, I have trained myself to pause, act like I am thinking about what they have just said (when I am actually calming down and returning to inner peace), and then I decide how to respond (such as by saying, “I will need some time to think about that.”)

Explore “PACES”

The word “PACES” is important because it means “single steps.” We must take “single steps” in order to reach any goal, especially the goal of being a happier Muslim. “PACES” is also a verb that means “to walk back and forth.” This is important because your journey to being a happier Muslim will go back and forth. You will feel like you have improved yourself (progressed), and then you will feel like you have regressed or moved backwards. This is totally normal. Going back and forth is part of the journey to becoming the best ‘YOU’ possible. The phrase “pace yourself” is also important. “Pace yourself” means to slow down and to accomplish your goals in steps.

What “P” Stands For

The “P” in “PACES” stands for: 1. Praying, 2. Patience, 3. Problem-Solving, and 4. Positivity.

Mindful Me Minutes: How 10 Minutes a Day Can Transform Your Life

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I really wish I could be a better mother but I just don’t know how… I want to talk to my kids differently, but I just keep defaulting back to being a yeller.. I feel like someone pushed the fast forward button in my life and I don’t know how to slow it down… I feel dead inside, like I have zero emaan left.. There are so many things I wish I was doing, I wish I could change, but I just don’t have the time or the energy right now.

Sound familiar? I am in the business of talking to mothers and I can’t tell you how many time I have heard these words come out of a mother’s mouth. I have to admit I can’t tell you how many times I said these words myself! I truly believe that mothers have the power to change the world. They have the potential to be a great army of fighters, aimed at mobilizing change, beginning with their own children. And yet, when I look mothers around me, I see exhaustion, fatigue and women living on the brink. Most are not living their best self and most do not live up to their greatest potential.

In this article, I’d like to explore how we can change – how we can begin living our best so that we can be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister and most importantly, slave of Allah . I would like to offer you some practical advice on how women, especially mothers, can become more effective in their roles, through one easy step.

Why Do I Need Mindful Me Minutes?

Me time. We all need it, and yet, there never seems to be enough of it. Thus is the life of mothers! We live our lives knowing and wanting more time for ourselves, and yet this action item inevitably finds itself at the bottom of our massive to-do lists. Unfortunately, there are always more important things that need to get done.

What if I told you that 10 minutes a day of doing nothing is more important than any other ten minutes that you spend doing a chore or ticking something of your to-do list? Would you believe me? That, by investing in just 10 minutes each day, doing nothing, in the company of yourself, you could actually increase your productivity for the rest of the day? That by spending those same 10 minutes each day just thinking for yourself (or not thinking!), you could alter the way you think for the remaining minutes in the day?

Could 10 minutes be that significant?

Forgiving Yourself: The Key to Moving On

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Have you committed a sin that you are unbelievably ashamed of? Have you made a horrible mistake or let your loved ones down? Are you terrified of the punishment of Allah  or of being humiliated? Are you having nightmares about scandals that might ruin your life?

“Everybody makes mistakes. Forgive yourself, you are only human.” There, I said it! So? Do you feel better?

Yeah, I didn’t think so!

As much as people will try to help us move forward, and as much as we try to let go of the past, truly, it’s easier said than done. More often than not, you’ll find yourself blocking the guilt out and submitting to numbing denial, pretending like nothing ever happened. Or worse, you’ll dwell on the mistakes you have made, magnifying them in a way that makes you believe you do not even deserve forgiveness. Am I close?

Yes, we are all humans and we all make mistakes, but somehow it’s easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves, simply because we hold ourselves to higher standards! Other people do not live inside our heads the way we do. We can’t help but listen to that creepy voice in our minds that relentlessly reminds us of our failures and puts us down, no matter how hard we try to move on.

If you are stuck in the mire of guilt, know that you are not alone. Some people choose to stay held back, others throw in the towel and follow the steps of Shaytan. But the smartest people; those most determined to help themselves, pursue a path of true redemption by grasping the answers to these questions:

Did You Say It?

Admit that you went wrong

Throughout the years of working as a therapist, I have seen my patients struggling to hide their crimes and adamantly refusing to face what they did. Perhaps it’s shame or regret, but unless you acknowledge your mistake, you will never be able to fix it. Defending your actions and giving excuses to why you slipped seems like the safest remedy at the time. However, doing so means that if the same situation occurs in the future, you’ll make the same mistake again!

Reach out to Allah 

Stop hiding and running away! Sit alone with Allah  and confess what you did. Talk to Him like you are talking to your best friend. Explain what you did in detail, say how sorry you are, what you have learnt and what you’ll try to do to fix it. If your sin is irreversible, then confide in Allah  and promise Him you will not do it again. Sense and accept the immensity of your guilt, as you let your tears melt your frozen heart. The truth is: you can’t heal what you don’t feel!

Do You Know Why You Did It?

Be careful who you befriend

We have all heard it from our parents when we were younger, but still defied the number one reason why we go astray down the road: Friends.

If you are in the wrong crowd, you can repent till you are blue in the face, but unless your friends support your faith, you’ll keep slipping!

I remember my mom clenching her jaws when she met one of my “loose” friends. She made it very clear that I was not allowed to hang out with that girl anymore. After a couple of tantrums and crying out the famous words ‘that’s so unfair!’ I finally listened, and I’m glad I did. I now do the same with my daughter, knowing she too will thank me one day.

Abu Hurairah  narrated that the Prophet  said:

“A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” [Sunan Abu Dawud]

Lead Like a Boss: by Giving More Than you Take Click to read more: http://productivemuslim.com/lead-like-a-boss/#ixzz3QgmYve4o Follow us: @AbuProductive on Twitter | ProductiveMuslim on Facebook

Image created by the author: Nur Fadhilah Wahid. Icons made by Freepik from flaticon[dot]com. Flaticon is licensed by Creative Commons BY 3.0

Imagine two security cameras propped up in the corner of two different offices, each recording the goings-on in the office in HD. Assuming that the cameras only record images and not sounds, imagine you now see – in both offices – the CEO of the respective companies walking into the office and handing over a file to one of his employees. In office A, as the CEO leaves, you see the employee in question looking bored, perhaps even annoyed. In office B however, you see the employee looking excited and keenly flipping through the file.

As a viewer of the video recordings, you might thus wonder: why the difference in their reactions?

Before we tackle the question, let’s add three assumptions to the situation: First, the file given to each employee contained the exact same task. Second, the states of both employees are exactly similar. Last, the two CEOs used the same intonation, facial expressions, and body language to communicate the message. Thus, the security cameras showed no difference and the only difference was the choice of words by each CEO.

Inside Office A

The first CEO, as he hands over the file, says, “Assalamu Alaikum Ahmad. This is a new job I have for you. I did the same thing with success last year, just do it the way I did it, and hand it in by the end of the week, okay? Jazakallah khayr!” He smiles, places the file on the table, and leaves the room.

Inside Office B

The second CEO, as he hands over the file, says “Assalamu Alaikum Ali. This is a new job I have for you. I did the same thing with success last year, you might want to take a look at my case file as it may be useful to you. Hand it in by the end of the week, okay? Jazakallah khayr!” He smiles, places the file on the table, and leaves the room.

So what is the difference between the first CEO and the second CEO that made their employees react differently?

Discover the ‘Means and Ends’ exercise

If you browse through most books on leadership, you will find that a lot of them focus on the mannerisms and speech of the leader in order to gain the trust and loyalty of his subordinates. While these things do play a part, there is an underlying key essence missing from all those books: the question of intent.

10 Actions for Sisters to Boost Self-Confidence

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One of the major barriers to productivity I often hear about when I meet sisters across the world, is the lack of self-confidence. I know from personal experience that is isn’t easy to develop confidence – some people are born with it, but I believe for most of us, it has to be developed and nurtured as we grow! I often have friends and family tell me I carry an aura of confidence about me; some wonder ‘what’s her secret?’ – it has has certainly taken some training! It is really disheartening to see Muslim women who are so talented, educated and ambitious thwart their progress and productivity because they have low self-esteem. I’d like to explore how we sisters can boost our own confidence with practical tips from the Qur’an and Sunnah.

Firstly, I want to remind you that Allah  has honoured women, affording us rights more than 1400 years ago and endowing on us the opportunity to earn the highest stations in Paradise, through the various roles we play as daughters, wives, mothers and Muslimahs in our society. We only have to look to our historical examples of female scholars such as Aisha bint Abu Bakr  to learn that achieving confidence is not a sign of arrogance or being against Islamic values. In fact, one can be confident in their faith whilst being a Muslimah in pursuit of her goals.

Remember, Allah  says: “And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created, with [definite] preference.” [Qur’an: Chapter 17, Verse 70]

Happy 27th Birthday Kyuhyun!

Cho Kyu-hyun, born in Nowon, Seoul on February 3, 1988, is a South Korean singer and member of the South Korean boy band 슈퍼주니어(Super Junior). He is one of the first four Korean artists to appear on Chinese postage stamps. Kyuhyun won third place at the Chin Chin Singing Competition in 2005. In May 2006 he joined Super Junior, a 12-member boy band, who had their debut in November 2005 with the single, "TWINS (Knock Out)". Kyuhyun made his debut performance on 27 May at SBS's I-Concert with "U". The CD single "U" was released on 7 June 2006, which was their most successful single until the release of "Sorry, Sorry" in March 2009. In July 2009, Kyuhyun sang his first solo track on the television programme Yoo Hee Yeol's Sketch Book. The song was released as a digital single, and on Yoo's album on 30 June, with all proceeds going to UNICEF. On 6 January 2010, Kyuhyun's solo track "Listen To You", for Korean drama 'Pasta' was released. It peaked at number one on music portals real time charts.

In November 2010, Kyuhyun along with label mates TRAX’s Jay, SHINee’s Jonghyun, and new singer Jino formed project group SM The Ballad and released their debut album, 'Miss You' on 29 November 2010. Their debut album includes a solo track, "Love Again" by Kyuhyun.

5 Tips to Stop Social Media From Taking Over Your Life

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The Prophet  advised us to take advantage of our free time before we become busy. We have somewhat of a different problem now.

Instead of becoming busy, we’ve made ourselves busy. A lot of us go through the same social media routines constantly. At work we cycle through Gmail, ESPN, CNN, Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, Buzzfeed, and Pinterest on a habitual loop. We don’t even think about the websites we’re looking at, we’re programmed to do it. We take our phones and we have a similar pattern wired into our brains: text, Facebook, Twitter, email, Tumblr, Instagram, and so on.

After a long day we get home, and we’re mentally exhausted. If anyone asks, we say “it was a busy day.” The reality is we didn’t accomplish much, but we were busy. It has practically become a fad or bragging point to show how busy you are all the time. People stare intently at their phones as if they’re engrossed in saving an endangered species (while instead playing Angry Birds) just to look busy.

After this business, we “veg out” in front of the television to recover. Our families start to take on the same characteristics. Family time becomes everyone sitting together in the living room, each on their own device. Dinners with friends are now dinners with friends and their phones.

So what can we do? It is not feasible to suddenly shun something that has become an integral part of our lives. There are definitely apps to help keep you focused and productive, but if you’re like me, you hate micromanaging your life. To use an app to block out a website takes too much willpower to even download, much less turn on.

Instead, here are 5 easy things you can do to change your social media consumption behavior and make better use of your time and mental energy:

1. Turn Off ALL Your Notifications

I remember when it was cool to carry around a pager. It meant you were important enough that you needed an extra way to be reached by people. Now we’re too available. I’m not here to tell you to deactivate your Facebook account or anything like that, but there are ways to systematically reduce your consumption of social media.

A notification forces you to think about one of these apps when you were (or should be) thinking about something else. Turning off notifications makes you use those apps only when you want to think about them, on your own terms.

Turn off all notifications for:

Facebook Messenger
WhatsApp groups
Facebook (likes, comments, etc.)
Twitter (replies, retweets, favs)
Email
Yes, email.
But what if you miss out on something that important? Well, you do carry around a smartphone. Someone will find a way to actually call you if it’s that urgent.

2. Replace Your Most Used Apps with Something Productive

If you check Facebook 60+ times a day, you need to cut it down. The best way to do this is not by forcing yourself to check it less, or forcing yourself to wait a certain amount of time before you check it again, or even temporarily deactivating it.

Each of those requires cognitive energy for each decision point. It becomes mentally draining and you’ll eventually give in. Instead, delete the app you waste the most time on off your phone. Check Facebook all you want, but just not from your phone.

The location where the Facebook icon was, replace it with something else like Kindle. Now when you habitually hit the same spot on your phone, you’ll open up something useful instead.

3. Unfriend, Unfollow, Unsubscribe

Go through all your lists. There are people you voluntarily allow into your personal mental space; get rid of as many as possible.

We have this great FOMO (fear of missing out) that prevents us from unfollowing someone. You can never possibly process all the content you want, so instead become extremely selective. There was a point in time that I used to follow over 100 blogs regularly. That list is now down to less than 15, and even then I delete 95%+ of the posts without reading them — on purpose.

This one-time effort of unfollowing people will now free your mind to focus on things of true value.

4. Hang Out With Your Friends, Not Your Facebook Friends

Every time you go to a restaurant you see it: a table full of friends, all eating their food while occupied with their phones (probably talking to other friends on Facebook). Why do they even bother to hang out together? Just text if that’s the case.

The next time you are with a group of people, take all the phones and stack them on top of each other. Focus on enjoying the real, live interaction (and definitely the real food!). Also agree that the first person to reach for their phone picks up the bill.

5. Check In Family Devices At A Certain Time

Block out a set time of at least 1 hour a day where no one in the house is allowed to use a screen. Take a box, and collect all the devices and put it away. Force yourselves to talk to each other. Do this for a while and watch how this will improve communication and bonding between family members, inshaAllah!

If you are a family with kids, it is essential that you and your spouse have your own time set aside daily where you speak to each other without a screen or phone within reach.

Time is the best parameter we have to measure our life: the more time passes, the more life does too; and the more we allow things like social media to control our time and how we spend it, the more our life is out of our own control.

The above were just five things you can do to cut down on unnecessary time spent on social media, and use that same time for something better and more fulfilling. What other ways have you tried to stop social media from taking over your life?

Click to read more: http://productivemuslim.com/stop-social-media/#ixzz3QghmaDXS 
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Big Bang Akan Menghadiri ‘20th Tokyo Girls’ Collection 2015 S/S’

Kelima member Big Bang akan menghadiri ‘20th Tokyo Girls’ Collection 2015 S/S’.

‘Tokyo Girls’ Collection 2015 S/S’ menggelar tahun ke-10 mereka tahun ini, dan akan diselenggarakan pada 28 Februari mendatang. Big Bang berkata,“Kami mengucapkan selamat untuk Tokyo Girls’ Collection untuk hari jadi mereka yang ke-10. Ini sangat berarti bagi kami karena dapat berpartisipasi di atas panggung untuk merayakan 10 tahun dan 20 pertunjukan. Kami akan menampilkan panggung yang bergairah sehingga para penggemar dapat mengingat bahwa 28 Februari adalah sebuah hari yang sangat menakjubkan.”

Source: allkpop

Indotrans: anisrina

http://koreanindo.net/2015/02/02/big-bang-akan-menghadiri-20th-tokyo-girls-collection-2015-ss/